Watching a show on MTV today got me thinking about crushes and all the ones I've had over the years.
I'm pretty sure I can still remember who my first crush was, it was second grade and I was just a girl. Of course to maintain my dignity I won't name names. When you're only 7 years old you have big dreams and think that the first boy who catches your eye on the playground is who you'll marry. Little did that version of me know, I'd be 25 and still very much single.
The show got me wondering, if I had been a little more daring and told even just one of those boys how I felt what would my life be like now. Now before we go down this road I should say that I'm very much against playing the what if game, however sometimes you just have to indulge.
If I had stepped up and told them that I liked them, would they have said they felt the same? I have a feeling that for the most part the answer would have been no. I was definitely one of the fat girls in high school and early college, and yet I crushed on the popular guys. I wouldn't have been surprised if they would have ran away in horror, or just laughed at me.
But what about when I got things in line and lost the weight. There was one guy in my last year of college - and I can't help but wonder.
I think that because I wasn't the cutest girl in high school, I just assume that no guy ever would find me attractive. This has led me to believe that the only boys who would crush on me are the ones who aren't my type. I've always felt that none of the cute, smart, handsome guys that I was friends with in college could possible be attracted to me.
I sometimes just wish that I could meet that guy who was my type and not afraid to say that he liked me. That would make life so much easier.
At this point I would even be completely open to my mother finding me someone. I mean she found my dad and he's pretty great so chances are she'd do a good job. Of course it's a slippery slope when you ask your mom to help you find a guy.
I just wish that the little girl inside me that quickly finds a new crush at all times would just have some balls and would push me to say something. Being afraid of rejection really makes it hard to believe that you'll ever find that person.
Anyway...this is supposed to be about crushes. Crushes really are a wonderful thing - they make you get that butterfly feeling in your stomach and believe in the possibilities of life. I think that crushes are meant to help keep the optimist and dreamer inside all of us alive.
Do you have a crush? I do - but I'm not telling who.
